Finding Joy in the Wait.

adoption15I knew the wait for the adoption to be complete would be difficult, but I had no idea how difficult.  Our second child is with me every moment of every day–always in my mind or heart in some way.  I am filled with worry and anxiety about what he/she might currently be suffering and about how soon it will be before this little person can come home to us.But last week as I sat together with my three year old on blanket at the farmer’s market as we munched on fresh raspberries, I realized that the time I’ve had alone with her is really a gift from God.  It is something I have tried to tell myself many times over the past year after failed attempts to conceive, but it was something I truly felt in that moment–something that left me with inexplicable gratitude.I love being a mom.  Yes, there are moments when I feel frazzled and tired and frustrated, but I truly just LOVE being a mom.  And having my daughter to share these past three years with has been such an undeserved gift.  The memories not only of watching her first step or hearing her first word, but of taking her to the Nutcracker, sitting with her on my lap during story time at the library, reading and snuggling with her before bed each night–memories of experiences that we’ve had together–are something I will cherish forever.  She’s my little buddy, and God has given us wonderful opportunities to grow and bond through the time we’ve had alone.  His ways and His plans may not have been my ways and my plans and I have spent many moments questioning His will for our lives.  But I always cling to His promise that He works for the good of those who love Him.  Andwhat a gift He has given us in our daughter and the time we have had with just her!

While I do hope and have reason to believe that we will have a child placed with us before our daughter heads off to kindergarten (I would love for them to have a year at home to grow as siblings before she is off at school), I am also realizing the every day blessings that come with having our little girl and working to not wish or rush the time alone with her away in anticipation of a second child. And this little three year old in her childlike innocence is a great example to me.  While she asks almost daily about the adoption and requests to pray for her brother/sister every night when we say bedtime prayers, she is enjoying each moment of her life while she waits for that blessing to come.  And…why not?  Life is pretty good.

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