Consuming Thoughts.

For some strange, naive reason, I thought that after we received our referral and I saw the face of our child, I would start sleeping better at night.

Boy was I wrong.

These are some of the questions and thoughts that keep me up at night:

What’s Baby Boy doing right now?  Is he hungry? Is he crying?  Is he growing?  Is he healthy?

What are the nannies like that are caring for him?  Do any of them have a really special bond with him?  Are any of the other little ones looking out for him?

What did his birth mom look like?  How did she feel about being pregnant?  Did she look forward to being a mom?  What was her family like?

Are we going to be able to raise the remaining funds needed to keep our process going along smoothly and quickly?

Will he remain safe and healthy during his stay at the orphanage?

When will we be able to bring him home?  Will there be major delays?  Will we get to celebrate this Easter with him?  His first birthday?

Who should go to the Congo–Joel or me?  Followed by…

Visions of Gotcha Day and Baby Boy’s homecoming…

What will Baby Boy be like?  Will he always be small due to malnutrition?  Will he be excited and enthralled with his big sister?  Will he be scared to death?  Will he transition well?  What type of help and therapy will he need when he gets home?  What is his personality like?  Is he fussy, silly, curious, or all of the above?

What challenges will face us as a transracial family?  Will Baby Boy have other friends who “look” like him in school one day?  Will he feel lonely?

How will E do with transitioning from being an only child?  Am I preparing her well enough?

Will I ever be able to master African American hair so that baby boy can have an awesome afro?

What’s baby boy doing right now?

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