Hard.

Confession: I’m having a really hard time. These last few weeks have felt like an eternity and even though everyone is constantly being optimistic and reminding me that February 6th is so close, it really doesn’t feel very close. I think I’m in a little bit of mourning that Joel won’t be in Congo during that date and that we have absolutely no clue if he will even be in Congo during the month of February at all.

I knew when we entered this process that international adoption is very uncertain and there are delays. When we were matched we were given a timeline of 5-10 months and it’s easy for people to say and think that we should be grateful if it happens in six or seven instead of ten because “it could be worse”. But when you have pictures and video of a little boy that you gaze at and watch into the wee hours of the morning — searching for some new feature that you haven’t yet seen or trying to feel his shape in your arms or looking for a glimpse of what his personality is like in the twenty second video you have of him — well…it’s real and it’s long and it stinks. You can tell yourself anything you want at the beginning. You can tell yourself that there will be delays and that is part of the deal and to expect the worse and you can handle it and six months isn’t really that long. But you will, deep down, be always hoping for the best and always crushed when it doesn’t happen. When you are still left waiting.

Advertisements

Trackbacks

  1. […] packed Joel’s bags for Congo, and got really sick of waiting. In an effort to distract myself from the adoption wait, I participated in a Nordic 5K. Something […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: