Encouragement from the Other Side.

I’ve been having one of those weeks where I’ve been filled with thoughts of, “At this time last year.” Maybe it’s because of my husband’s words about the difficulty in waiting, which were featured last week over at the Lifesong for Orphans blog. Maybe it’s because my birthday is this weekend (I’m turning thirty. I don’t want to talk about it.) and I’m remembering how sad I was during my birthday last year, when we were just a couple of weeks into our wait to bring home Baby Boy and I felt so strange celebrating a birthday with part of my family missing. Maybe it’s because my daughter pulled out Baby Boy’s baby book today and was gazing at some of the earlier pictures at him (ones taken at this time last year) and finally said softly, “Mom, I wish I could have held him when he was this little.”Now we’re on the other side of that — preparing actually for our 6 month post placement visit this evening. When we were in the middle of the wait, it seemed impossible to imagine this, because I was so bogged down with sadness and aching. And now, it’s finally here.To my many friends or readers who are in that purgatory — that hell — of waiting, I’m hoping to give you a little encouragement today. I know what it feels like. I know the constant ache of your heart, the struggle to be fully present for your family and friends when you feel like half your heart and half your brain (or more) is always wrapped up in something else. I remember all too well sneaking out of the bedroom in the middle of the night so I could secretly check my e-mail and see if there was any sort of paperwork update from the Congo, who was eight hours ahead. I remember bursting into tears whenever certain songs would come on the radio  (though I now love the song “Home”, I was convinced God was trying to torture me with its popularity and incessant radio time). I remember wanting to punch the people who said, “God has a plan.” I remember being torn between wanting to talk about my son all the time and dying for someone to ask me about him and wanting to hole up in the house so I could just stop answering the well-meaning “When will he be home?” questions. I remember feeling like I had nothing left to give anyone because I was so emotionally exhausted.Waiting Mama — this, too, shall pass. I know it doesn’t seem like it. It seems like you’ve been in this forever and maybe you have. Maybe you have been fighting for your child for years. Maybe you are on your third or fourth referral because the others have fallen through or because you’ve lost a child. It’s okay to be angry and upset that this takes so long. It shouldn’t have to. Children should be with their mamas and not in an orphanage and it is not part of “God’s plan” that your child is suffering hurt and pain while he waits for you. That’s part of the sinful, broken world we live in. You have a right to be outraged at the system that is keeping you apart. You have a right to your tears, to your void, to your heartache.

Just remember that you are not alone. Even though it may seem like you are out of control and you are the only one advocating for your child, God is fighting for you and for your child, too:

The Lord your God will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)

I know those words won’t suddenly make your wait joyous. I know they won’t necessarily take away the deep ache you have for your child. But I hope that they make you feel less alone. And I hope knowing that there are other mamas who have shared your same pain and longing and are now on the other side is somehow encouraging to you.

encouragement

And I promise you this, waiting mama: that moment is so very worth the wait.

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Comments

  1. So beautiful! I hope you don’t mind, but I “block”quoted most of this and linked back to you. ❤

Trackbacks

  1. […] so if you’re an adoptive family you’ll find lots of resources about funding adoption, encouragement for your wait and candid confessions about life after adoption. Occasionally I even get gutsy and touch on […]

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