Six Months Later.


It’s officially been six months since the day Joel and Baby Boy stepped off a plane together. I feel like that’s a bench mark of sorts, maybe because it required a post-placement visit from our social worker.So here’s some updates and things I’ve learned now that we’ve reached this tiny little bench mark:It’s amazing what good nutrition can do. Six months ago, we were in the pediatrician’s office almost every week running tests, checking weight, doing blood draws and talking through big scary things. Now, Baby Boy has doubled his weight, is freaky strong and doesn’t have to go to the doctor again until December. He pulls up, cruises along furniture, and has a vocabulary of about six or seven words.

Having two kids is hard. That’s all I really have to say about that. (Go ahead an laugh you moms of three or more.)

Malnutrition has long-lasting effects. Yes, Baby Boy is on the charts for all of his stats for the first time since being home, but you would think we weren’t feeding him anything if you saw him at the co-op today. I avoid grocery stores with him at all costs, but needed to run in for a few things so I could make dinner for our family. I started with him in the front carrier with a smoothie, as I thought this would help him if he had his own food and if he was close to me. He was fine until we walked through the doors, where he promptly began clawing at my face and threw his smoothie at me. We ended with him in hysterics in the front of the shopping cart, screaming and yelling at the poor cashier as she bagged our food. Almost every dinner is filled with screams and angry cries between bites of food or whenever anyone around him take a bite of food. We’re still navigating these muddy waters and it’s exhausting (prayers appreciated).

Biological kids have needs, too. Even though I thought my four year old was doing totally fine, I’ve started picking up on some cries for attention from her and have learned that she needs more one-on-one time than I was giving her.

Time flies. The cuddly little newborn-like nine-month old who came home six months ago is now an energetic, busy and strong 15-month old. Everything has seemed much more rushed and chaotic and bittersweet this time around. Such is motherhood.

Attachment goes two ways. (You can read more about what I say about this on page 65 of this month’s issue of Montana Parent Magazine.)

Grief isn’t just part of the adopted child’s story. There are things that I grieve about my son’s story and first family that I wasn’t expecting and that have hit me like a ton of bricks because I did not anticipate this. I’ve learned to give myself permission to process this, and accept that part of being an adoptive parent is feeling your heart often torn in two directions.

-It is possible to love a child who didn’t grow inside you and who looks nothing like youDNA is overrated.

God is an amazing healer. The little boy who had scary-low blood iron levels, kwashiorkor, failure to thrive and was thought to have brain development issues now has none of these things. He is as healthy as his peers — and even a bit chubbier, too. And the little boy who never cried because he was used to having to fend for himself in an orphanage now has no problem SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF to get what he wants.

And on that note, the little boy who used to never cry when he woke up from naps is yelling “MAMA!” at me, so I must be off!

How about you adoptive mamas? What have you learned since your child has come home? What blessings and surprises and struggles can you share to be an encouragement to others?



  1. […] I shared my thankfulness for the girlfriends in my life and what I’ve learned about adoption six months after the airport. […]

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